20 points for size 0 waist line 

Pharaohs ruled the pangea. Yes, there were other people alive way, way, way before the Garden of Eden; and in fact the reason God created me was to bail out the lowest class that suffered an unbearable number of abuses from the higher ones. About 12 billion people were on earth at the time powering a single system they treated as one nation with incomprehensible power. When the twelve Sphinxes (Pharoah’s mistresses) prayed for the whole earth, hydrofluoric acid ruled everyone’s minds controlling their thoughts. All the whole while, employees were thinking that they were getting good help to be able to do their job well. The problem (I figure) was with artists of the day (because they exuded the appearance of beauty in every way) who helped women that wanted to sleep with the king.

I am sure that you can relate with me naming the beast if you consider all the temptations you have had in your own personal lives. Our weakness to them stems from the fact that since everyone is supposed to produce good work with artistic precision, we tend to fall for their help. Instead of coming up with that artistry using our own bodies, we end up bumming the major artists of the day to set our work straight for us. This practice has ended up working against us because at best, this causes a disuse of the members of our own spiritual bodies. At best, it empowers those we have consulted, giving them absolute authority over our lives. Let’s face it, our products attribute either good or bad to our surnames. When you hear that she is wearing Calvin Kelin, you know what to expect and the product’s reputation dictates the weight of the name.

JJ & I stay in deep thoughts regarding this matter - and me having averted the fall - and use this Sabbath day to come clean before God. Tears start to trickle down my face while JJ sits across the round table drinking something with a smell so distinct that I had to have a cup of java for myself. “Thank you for thinking of me, but how did you ever start inquiring about me?” JJ told me that he has been doing past/ future things with the rest of heaven trying to overturn the biggest negative events of our history. For me, they apparently determined that another chance to choose was appropriate. Through the power of pulsars (the dimension that only Lucifer can use for travel before JJ:), the crew was able to transport me into another parallel universe where everything in the galaxy exists multiple times. I told them that fruits - God told me vehemently - were meant FOR animals (instead of for humans.) JJ added that taking animals’ food away is like preparing them for death much like the holocaust. While we both laughed at the full circle, I started to get depressed thinking about how I said no to the fiancée God had for me. JJ pressed me to spit out whatever was bothering me by going after noticing my deeply vexed expression.

We understand enough about your fragile human brains to know that you probably have questions about the sudden appearance of a race of technologically superior space beings on your intergalactic doorstep. Our Human Affairs Officer has prepared some answers below.